I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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