I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize