I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Randomize
