I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
