Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
