Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
