Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
