Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
