I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
