Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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