Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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