I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
