Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
