She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
