so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
