Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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