Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
