Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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