Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
