i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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