i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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