just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
