DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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