It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
