break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
