:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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