you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
