For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You made out with two different species that night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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