Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
