Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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