I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
