mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
