Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
