I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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