i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
