I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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