Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What a dumb baby whore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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