She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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