Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
