She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
