i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
