Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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