are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
