Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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