i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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