If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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