Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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