you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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