Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize