She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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