i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
