I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
