I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
