Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
