My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
