apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
