You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
