Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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