i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
