3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
