i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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