Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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