it was like his penis was on wheels.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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