Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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