I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
