Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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