I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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