dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
